It’s hard to believe the first half of the school year is behind us. If you have school aged children, you know what I’m talking about. Before we know it, summer will be here. It’s been a great year so far, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few areas where a little extra attention isn’t needed.

I thought my teenagers, ages 17 and 14, would benefit from a few reminders.

I want to help them start their second semester off on the right foot. After all, we’re in this together, right?

For starters, we’ve got to get a handle on this waking up thing. When I go into my kid’s rooms and try to wake them up, it’s like waking the dead. When they do respond, they scream horrible words at me.  Profanity. I know you’re thinking, “Why don’t you just let them wake themselves up?” I’ve tried that. Many times. They each set their own alarm clocks but they don’t hear them. Trust me, if I left it to them to wake themselves up they wouldn’t go to school. Here’s the thing, I want them to go to school. I’m sure they’re tired from staying up too late doing homework but there’s also a lot of face timing, snap chatting or texting going on. It’s hard to be a teenager. So many social media platforms, so little time.

Fortunately, I’ve come up with a great solution.

Squirt guns. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to come up with this. It’s truly brilliant. I’ll be nicely waking them up, but if they yell cuss words at me or refuse to get up, I’ll be armed and ready to go. Locked and loaded, baby. It’s amazing how sophisticated these things have gotten since the eighties. This is going to be fun. For all of us. By the way, water ruins perfectly flat ironed hair, right? I’m just saying.

I’m pretty sure I’m at risk for catching some horrible disease when I go into my teenager’s rooms.

If the health department visited our home, they might possibly shut it down after taking a look at how my daughters live. (To be fair and give full disclosure, my oldest is way messier than my youngest daughter.) Because the mess is starting to spread to other areas of the house, I have to put a stop to it. Plus, when people visit

our home, they shouldn’t be subjected to the threat of dangerous diseases. You know there’s a problem when there aren’t any drinking glasses because all the stemware has been kidnapped by your teens. So, my darling children, here’s my solution: clean up your mess or I’m changing the WIFI password and not telling you what it is, taking away your car keys and canceling your debit card.

Just take care of your shit. It’s not that hard.

While we’re discussing your shit, stop stealing my charger when you can’t find yours. It’s not like I don’t know who takes my charger when it’s missing. There isn’t a technology elf who comes into my room and takes my things. The same holds true for my clothes, makeup and toilet paper. Maybe, if you actually took care of your stuff you wouldn’t have to take mine.

You’re better than this.

And, while we’re having this chat, stop asking me for money. I’m not a piggy bank. You get a monthly allowance at the beginning of each month and this isn’t a surprise. Plus, it’s not like you have any expenses. Figure out what you want to spend your money on, budget your money and follow it. In fact, you’re very lucky we still give you an allowance at all. After reading the above items, I’m actually starting to think there’s something wrong with me for allowing you to get away with all of this.

I didn’t raise you to be this way. Respect what you have, take care of your stuff and be responsible. It’s time, don’t you think? By the way, I love you with all my heart!

Find meaning each day,

Dara