Sometimes you just need to say the “F” word and give yourself permission to use bad words.
I don’t know why, but it makes me feel better if I’m having a hard day. Like a lot of things, timing is everything. Unfortunately, the other day, my timing was a little off.
OK, a lot off.
You see, I accidentally said the “F” word to my daughter’s whole class, including her teacher, via that delightful little face time app.
It all started when my daughter texted me to bring her a different shirt. Apparently, she didn’t love the one she was wearing and it was impacting her day. Seriously. After several replies from me, saying nicely, “No,” she called me. Here’s where I messed up.
I shouldn’t have answered the phone.
I should have ignored it.
Sadly, I didn’t do either of these things, and instead, I answered the phone.
It was still in my PJ’s, and was in the middle of writing. I was wearing my robe, had on glasses I purchased over thirteen years ago, and my hair was literally sticking straight up and out of my head. I didn’t have on makeup. This shouldn’t matter because we were just talking on the phone, right?
“Mom,” she said, can you please bring me a different shirt.”
“No,” I said, “I told you I couldn’t. Stop asking me.” I said this in a firm voice. I admit, I was getting a bit annoyed. Shouldn’t she be learning? Shouldn’t she be studying? Why was she calling me?
Lately, when I’m working on my computer and someone calls me on my cell phone, my laptop rings and I can answer it. I have no idea how this started or who set it up, but it’s very convenient. This is what I was talking to Zoe on.
The next thing I knew, I wasn’t just talking to Zoe, I somehow could see Zoe and some of her friends huddled around her desk.
Which means they could see me.
“Pleeeaaassse,” she begged.
“No,” I said again, “And why are you calling me?”
She asked again, and that’s when I just had to do it. I felt the need to do it. I wanted to do it.
“I’m saying this because you need to hear it,” I said calmly to her, “F… no.”
That’s when I heard a grownup, teacher sounding voice in the background, react to my trashy potty mouth.
She immediately hung up the phone.
I sat there for a few moments, processing what had just happened. Maybe this wasn’t my best moment. Maybe I should have been more polite and “Mommy” like. Maybe I’m a bad mom. Truth be told, it happened so fast, it took me a moment to realize I’d just used the “F” word in front of a bunch of sixteen year old kids and a teacher. It’s not like they haven’t heard that language before, but…
Here’s the thing: Maybe she shouldn’t call me all day long, ask me silly questions, and expect me to be prim and proper.
I immediately received a text from her saying, “You need to have a filter.”
Yes, this is probably true. But, I’m past that. I don’t have a filter anymore, I’m not as prim and proper as I used to be, and truth be told, I’m having a lot more fun. I’ve loosened up a bit, and there’s no going back.
I’m not suggesting you use profanity around your kids. I’m just saying, it’s nice to be your authentic self, even if that means using the “F” word every now and then. We’re all human, doing the best we can, and some days work out better than other days. No one is perfect, especially me.
If using bad words every now and then is my worst crime, I think I’m doing pretty well.
Try it the next time you’re having a bad day. I promise you it will make you feel better. Actually, it will make you feel a lot better, but make sure you aren’t being watched by a bunch of sixteen year old kids.
Find meaning each day,
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