Today’s the day. I’ve known this day would come. It’s no surprise. Yet, for some reason, I find it hard to believe it’s finally here. When you have a child, there are significant milestones your mind goes to, and you try to imagine what they will be like: first words, first steps, first day of school, and all the moments in between. I’ve walked with my children, feeling pride and joy with every milestone that’s come and gone. We’ve done them together. Side by side. Hand in hand.

Until today.

Today is another one of those significant moments, but this one is different. This is the dreaded one. The one I’ve been trying to shrug off and pretend wasn’t coming.

Today, my oldest daughter is Sweet Sixteen. And while it’s a birthday she’s treating like a national holiday, for me, it’s much more than that.

I’ve had all of the thoughts I described above: I’m blessed to have and love her, and she makes me proud everyday. Not for what she has accomplished, but for who she is becoming as a person. She is my oldest daughter. My first born. I’ve made wonderful parenting decisions with her, and some pretty bad ones, that I pray won’t cause permanent damage.

But, I’m not really thinking about any of that today.

Today, I’m terrified.

Today, I’m taking her to get her license.

Today, my heart will be on the outside of my body, as she navigates the world alone in a car. I will have no control over what happens to her.

This is a frightening moment, and one I knew was coming. It was a moment that was easily measured in time. There is no surprise.

Yet, I don’t want this moment to be here. I don’t want to take her to get her license. I don’t want my heart exposed like this.

I also recognize there’s not much I can do about it. It’s here, and she’s ready. She’s ready to go at it alone. Getting her license feels more about her stretching her wings a little bit, than just getting a license. It’s what the document signifies: our daughter is growing up, and we won’t be walking side by side with her as much as we would like. We’ll be on the sidelines, cheering her on, but it’s time for her to navigate a little bit on her own. And, we have to let her. We’ll do our best to keep her safe, guide her as best we can, and be there for her when she makes mistakes.

I’ve been dreading this moment for sixteen years, it’s finally here, and I’m trying to embrace it. If you’ve been through this, and have any suggestions, I’m listening with both ears.

In the meantime, say an extra little prayer for me, and my Sweet Sixteen girl, Zoe.

Find meaning each day,

Dara

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