Most people would say having a good relationship with their kids is important. The problem is, they don’t know how to get it. Here are ten ways to connect with your kids and have the relationship you desire:

1. PUT AWAY YOUR TECHNOLOGY: This seems obvious. How many times have you been having dinner with your family while your cellphone is sitting right there on the table? I admit it, I’ve done it before. Many times. If you want to be able to talk with your kids, put away your technology. That’s when amazing things can happen. I miss the days when we didn’t have the distractions of technology, but we can learn to manage it. Focus your energy on the people sitting in front of you, not on your screen.
2. LISTEN WHEN THEY TALK: Don’t judge them. Don’t interrupt them. Don’t add your opinion unless asked. Just listen to what your kids are saying. Really hear them. Sometimes, I want to put masking tape over my mouth to prevent myself from talking. There’s plenty of time to voice your opinions, but really listen to your kids when they talk. You’ll be surprised what they share.
3. LAUGH WITH THEM: Kids want to have fun. They want to laugh. There’s no better way to enjoy your kids than laughing and having fun with them. Put on some music and dance. You don’t have to try to impress them, just be yourself. Have a sense of humor, and don’t take everything so seriously.
4. DO AN ACTIVITY THEY LIKE TO DO: It doesn’t matter if you like what you’re doing. If you want to connect with your kids, figure out what they’re into, and get into it also. If they like to read, discuss the book they’re currently reading. Do they like to cook? Make dinner together. Are they into video games? Play the game with them. This isn’t about you. You don’t have to love what you’re doing to love having this special time with your kids.
5. BE SILLY: Why do adults take everything so darn seriously? It’s like we get a house and a mortgage, and the silliness is sucked out of us. Put it back in. Play tricks on your kids, do funny things, tell jokes. Lighten up, and you’ll be amazed how everyone around you will notice.
6. TALK TO THEM: Not about their grades, what they have to do, or their messy room. About how they’re feeling. Really feeling. Ask them questions. Find out about their friends, how school is going, and what they’re looking forward to doing. It’s hard being a kid. They need to be able to talk to the adults in their lives. You were a kid once. Remember, growing up isn’t easy.
7. SHOW THEM YOU CARE : Write a note, pack them a special snack, put a gift on their bed. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Do something just for them, that will make them feel special. My kids think I’m Super Mom if I bring them Starbucks. That’s all it takes. Figure out what your kids like, and show them you care by doing it.
8. HUG THEM: Whenever I’m having a hard day, it’s amazing what a hug can do. Even if your kids think they’re too old to be hugged, do it anyway. Even if they don’t admit it, I promise you they’ll like it. Not a quick little hug, but a good hug. Hold them close, and let them feel how much you love them.
9. DON’T YELL: Want to really ruin the mood? Start yelling at your kids. I don’t know why we think our kids listen to us when we raise our voices. They don’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure they tune us out. I know I did when I was a kid. Try very hard to say things in a calm, relaxed voice. Even if you want to be yelling, try to resist. I didn’t say it would be easy, but try.
10. SAY, “I LOVE YOU”: Tell your kids how much you love them. Everyday. Every time they leave the house. Every time you talk to them on the phone. You can’t say it enough. It doesn’t cost anything, and will make a huge difference in their lives. Don’t ever make your kids wonder if they were loved. It’s so easy. Just open your mouth and tell them.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers, and I’m not shooting for the “Perfect Mom Award.” What I know for sure, is these suggestions will help strengthen the relationship you have with your kids. Plus, you might just have a little fun in the process.

Find meaning each day,

Dara

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